lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
