you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
