I should be sponsored by Trojan
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
