im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
