porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize