If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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