Non-Jews are for practice
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
