i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
