Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
