I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
