So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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