then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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