the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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