I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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