i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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