your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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