there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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