There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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