just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize