Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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