reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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