Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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