Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you never un-have a 4some
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
