So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
