Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
