captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
