I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
