You don't have asthma, your pregnant
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
