i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
