Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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