I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
