All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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