He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
