Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
