i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
