Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
