I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
