I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Buhtt sex?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it was like eating out sand paper
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
