She's JV to your varsity
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
