i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
