You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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