Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
