I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
try to milk me bitch
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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