wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my being single is dangerous.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
