I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
