There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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