genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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