The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
