I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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