just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize