Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
