My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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