you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
