mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
what day is it and did you see me today?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
