i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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