i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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