fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My underwear smells like fireworks.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
